Co-parenting is one of the most challenging parts of managing life after a divorce. How can you and your ex effectively raise your children together even when you don’t live in the same household? A clear plan and open communication can help mitigate conflicts. Here are the basic do’s and don’ts of co-parenting:
Do: Follow the Parenting Plan
Parenting plans are required in divorces involving minor children. Your divorce decree cannot be finalized until a parenting plan is completed and approved by the judge. Parenting plans specify how your children will split their time with each parent, taking into account special occasions like holidays and school breaks. Your parenting plan should be detailed, including the exact nights children will spend with each parent every week, denoting drop-off and pick-up times, and adjusting the plan for sicknesses or unexpected events. Parenting plans go into effect indefinitely once the divorce is finalized. Adhering to the agreed-upon parenting plan in every detail and circumstance is vital. If you refuse to follow the parenting plan and continually deviate from the agreement, your ex-spouse could file a targeted motion to hold you in contempt of court.
Do: Be Involved Outside of Visitation Time
Florida family courts encourage parents to be active in their children’s lives. Being present is essential, even outside your predetermined parenting plan schedule. In your parenting plan, you should communicate your desire to spend time with your children at sporting events, performances, school functions, and recitals outside your regular visitation time.
Do: Communicate
One of the most critical aspects of co-parenting is effectively communicating with your ex. Raising children together requires significant communication, even if you’re no longer living in the same home. Your parenting plan should list effective strategies you and your ex can utilize to communicate about the children, such as email, text, or phone calls.
Do: Be consistent with Parenting Styles
It’s impossible to run every decision you make by your ex, so setting some ground rules about how you will raise your children together is essential. Establish guidelines for discipline, such as whether time outs, being grounded, or eliminating activities and toys are acceptable. Set similar expectations for daily routines like bedtime, screen time, and homework time. You should also discuss parenting styles. Do you practice “gentle parenting,” or take more of an authoritative approach? Set the same expectations at both homes so your children know what to anticipate and can effectively adjust to their new family dynamics.
Don’t: Talk Negatively About Your Ex
You’re responsible for helping your children have a healthy relationship with the other parent, regardless of your personal feelings toward them. One of the worst things you can do as a co-parent is undermine the relationship between your children and the other parent. This leaves children confused and makes them feel that they must choose sides. Negative feelings toward your ex should never be expressed in front of your children or on a public forum like social media. Speaking positively about your ex reassures your children that you’re on the same parenting team and committed to raising them to be responsible, well-adjusted adults.
Don’t: Compete to be the “Fun Parent”
After you get divorced, many parents resort to showering their children with treats, gifts, and fun experiences to compete with the other parent. However, children thrive on structure, predictability, and routines. If the time they spend with you is a constant string of overstimulating activities, it will not help your children long-term. Research shows that it’s beneficial for children to participate in regular, ordinary activities at home with a lesser-seen parent to establish an effective parenting relationship.
Don’t: Put Your Children in the Middle
Divorce is a confusing time for children. They must navigate how their relationships and family dynamics have changed since the divorce. You should encourage your children to have a positive relationship with the other parent and never make them feel they must choose sides. Never use your child to gain information about your ex’s activities or whereabouts during their visitation time. Don’t involve your children in conflicts with your ex, either.
Remsen Family Law Firm: Your Lake County Divorce Attorneys
Co-parenting is one of the most challenging aspects of getting divorced. A clear parenting plan will help set a solid foundation for co-parenting with your ex. At the Remsen Family Law Firm, we can help you create a parenting plan that respects your interests and provides a favorable solution for your family. Schedule an online consultation with us to get started and learn how we can help you through the Florida divorce process.
